When Life Hands You Lemons
by emergencyfan
Summary: Just for fun, a little Rodney McKay vs Samantha Carter.


Not mine. Don't own 'em. Didn't create 'em. Stargate Atlantis and all related characters are the property of MGM.  
Takes place between "Seige III" and "Intruder" while the Atlantis crew is at the Cheyenne mountain base.  
Thanks to Nebbyjen for beta'ing (though I claim ownership of all mistakes)!

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**WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS**

Several weeks earlier…

_"Samantha Carter, if you're watching," McKay places his hand over his heart, "the torch is still burning ...sadly, soon to be extinguished, but, uh ... You know, you should know ...I think you are just ... so ... well, you're great ...you're really, really great, and, uh, I would go so far as saying you're the hottest scientist I've ever worked with. In fact, there's probably not a night that goes by that I don't, uh, find myself, uh ... OK, Ford, let's, let's lose that."_

"Riiiiight," mumbled Ford to himself as he worked diligently in his room to edit the various messages together in preparation for the transmission to Earth. "Suuuure I'll erase it. Remember a little game called 'prime/not prime,' Doc?"

oOo

"Dr. McKay, wait up!"

Though annoyed, Rodney slowed his pace slightly to allow the young SGC technician to catch up. "What is it, uh," he hesitated trying to recall the young man's name, "Michaels?"

"I just wanted to tell you that there's a Colonel Carter who has just arrived and she's looking for you…"

"Really?" asked McKay, excited and flattered. He looked around as if expecting her to suddenly appear in the hallway. The Daedalus was due to leave for Atlantis in just a couple of hours and that wouldn't give him much time to spend with the attractive, well let's be honest, _hot_ scientist. He'd been extremely disappointed when he found out she was no longer stationed on the base as part of SG-1.

"…and boy does she look pissed."

"What?" The smile drained off McKay's face. "Um, any idea why?"

"She mentioned something about a videotape, sir."

"Ah! I see." That damn videotape again. He wished he could recall everything he had said on it. He did vaguely remember mentioning something regarding Samantha Carter, but he had been pretty sleep-deprived when he recorded it. Truth be told, most of it was a complete blur. Ford claimed to have misplaced the original when the scientist had gone in search of it later. Rodney looked around again, more nervously this time, and lowered his voice, "What _exactly_ did she say?"

"To be honest, sir, I didn't catch a lot of it."

McKay could tell the kid was temporizing. "She must have said _something_."

"It didn't really make any sense. She was talking about drowning someone in bathtub of lemonade."

"I'm sure she's just, ah, kidding around," he said with fake nonchalance.

"I don't know what it meant, sir, but it didn't seem like she was joking to me."

"Okay, um, thank you Mitchell…"

"Michaels, sir."

"Michaels. Thank you." He waved his hand at the young man in a dismissive gesture. "You can go back about your business."

"What should I tell her, sir?"

"Tell her?"

"If I see her again."

"Yes, what to tell her?" He chewed on his thumbnail for a moment before snapping his fingers. "Tell her…Tell her that I had something urgent to take care of aboard the Daedalus before we depart and that I'll certainly try to find her before we break orbit. If I can, that is."

"I got the impression she flew out here specifically when she heard you were on the base…"

"Don't _you_ have some work to do before we break orbit?" he interrupted sharply.

"Yes, sir," said the tech, accepting his dismissal and continuing down the corridor. McKay turned back the way he had come, pausing to cautiously peek around the corners of hallways as he proceded.

oOo

Three sharp knocks on his cabin door startled him. Had she followed him onto the Daedalus? He set his laptop beside him on the bed and cleared his throat nervously. "Yes?" he asked, swallowing hard as his voice quavered slightly.

"Open the door, Rodney," came Sheppard's muffled voice from the other side of the door.

He breathed a sigh of relief and hit the door controls, giving a quick glance out into the corridor to make sure Sheppard was alone.

"We've broken orbit. It's safe to come out of your cabin now."

"Safe?" asked Rodney a little defensively. "What do you mean, 'safe'?"

"She _was_ rather insistent about finding you."

Rodney looked around again surreptitiously and lowered his voice. "How do you know about that?"

"The whole base knows. She tracked down every single person from Atlantis and asked us if we knew where you were. You're lucky nobody did. She's a force to be reckoned with."

Now that he was sure the danger was past, Rodney could afford to make the most of the situation. "I'm flattered!"

"I wouldn't be. She knows how to use a 9 mil and _she'd _remember to reload."

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nah," agreed Sheppard. "Lunch?"

Rodney's eyes lit up. "Yeah, sounds like a plan." He crossed back to his bed and snapped the screen closed on the laptop before walking out of his cabin with Sheppard towards the mess hall. "Um, how mad did she seem to you, really?"

"If I were you, I'd skip the next trip to the SGC. Maybe send Zelenka instead. The guy deserves a trip home anyway," he said as they entered the mess and filled their trays.

"Rodney," greeted Elizabeth as they put their trays down at her table. "I have something for you." She pulled an envelope from her pocket and handed it to him.

"What's this?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "Dr. Carter asked me to give it to you when I saw you."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks." He tucked it into his jacket pocket.

"Aren't you going to read it?" Sheppard asked mischievously.

"Maybe later."

Weir raised an eyebrow at Sheppard's obvious goading. "Is there something I should know about?"

"No, nothing," said Rodney quickly, giving Sheppard a glare.

"Maybe you should read it," suggested Weir. "If it's something urgent, we still have time to send a message back to SGC before we get too far out."

McKay wasn't sure but he thought he saw a hint of smile on Elizabeth's face. He tentatively drew out the envelope and tore it open, pulling out a thin sheet of paper.

Sheppard watched McKay's expression turn from surprise to confusion before all the color slowly drained out of it.

"Something wrong?" asked Elizabeth sweetly.

Did she know? Rodney wondered. Women did tend to stick together, but Elizabeth and Carter were not the types to become fast friends. Still...

"It looks like an invoice," said Sheppard. Enough light shined through the thin paper for him to make out some of details from the back. "What's it for?"

"Yes, Rodney, what's it for?" repeated Elizabeth innocently, raising an inquiring eyebrow.

Oh, she knew alright; and he had no doubt she'd call him on it if he lied. "It's an invoice."

"Yes, I knew that already," Sheppard said impatiently, still squinting at the backside of the paper, "What's it for?"

"Forty gallons of lemonade," said Rodney in a tight voice.

"Lemonade?" asked Sheppard, clearly confused. "Why would she send you an invoice for that? And what's that written on it… 'I'll be' something."

"I'll be waiting for you," he read aloud.

"Forty gallons is a lot," remarked Elizabeth. "Practically enough to fill a bathtub." She picked up her empty tray and left the table.

Yes, she knew, but thankfully she wasn't going to let Sheppard in on the joke.

The newly promoted lieutenant colonel shrugged it off with a comment of 'kinky' and started to eat.

"Yeah, that's Carter alright." Rodney agreed quickly, breathing a sigh of relief. If Sheppard still ragged him about reloading the gun, what would he do if he found out the real meaning of the invoice? Rodney knew he'd never hear the end of it.

"Wait a minute..." Sheppard's fork paused in midair as an evil grin suffused his face. "Aren't you allergic to lemons?"

McKay groaned.

**END**


End file.
